


The Five Times Alexander Hamilton Didn't Cry, And the One Time He Did (ft. Jefferson)

by hamiltons



Category: Hamilton- Miranda
Genre: 5+1 Things, F/M, M/M, Referenced suicide, Thomas is sad, alcohol mention, alex is sick and then dead, alexander my strong baby, i wrote this at 4:30am when i was sad, im so sorry, like its vague but also not, the major character death is alex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-14
Updated: 2016-10-14
Packaged: 2018-08-22 09:45:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8281430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hamiltons/pseuds/hamiltons
Summary: there are 5 times that Alexander Hamilton should have cried and the one time he actually did. (ft TJeffs at the end)





	

I. Alexander Hamilton didnt cry when his mother died. He didn't cry when her arms, always so tight around him, giving him a sense of security, loosened and fell. He didn't cry when he watched her go limp, and also when he dialed the phone with shaky hands. He didn't cry as he watched strange men come in and take his mother away on a stretcher, or when a hand was placed reassuringly on his shoulder. He didn't cry when he was left alone.

II. Alexander Hamilton didnt cry when his cousin killed himself. When he found his cousin, hanging by his neck in his bedroom, a suicide note in his hand. He didn't cry while prying the crumpled paper from his cousin's cold hand, and tuck it away in his pocket. He didn't cry when the strange men came for a second time in his life to take away another sense of security. He didn't cry when he was left alone again.

III. Alexander Hamilton didn't cry when the hurricane ripped through his home town, destroying everything he knew. He didn't cry as people he knew and liked were ripped from him. He didn't cry as the winds swirled and screamed around him. He didn't cry when he saw the carnage that those winds had caused, when he saw everything he knew laid flat and ruined in front of him.

IV. Alexander Hamilton didnt cry when he thought of all of the people that died in front of him on the battle field. He didn't cry as he watched the bodies being carried past him left and right. He didn't cry as he learned the news pf his best friend being killed in battle. And he didn't cry when he woke up pleading with someone who wasn't there, screaming out John Laurens' name with a lump in his throat. He didn't cry when Eliza would wrap her arms around him as he was shaking in bed, asking the same unknown force to "take him instead". 

V. Alexander Hamilton didnt cry when Eliza left him, or when Philip died, or when Thomas Jefferson was there to comfort him, whispering to him that 'it's okay to cry, it's okay'. He had lost so many. He hadn't left the house in days, weeks maybe. Still, he refused to cry. He didn't know why Thomas was there, but he was, and he was urging Alexander to show something, some emotion that would prove that he's actually feeling. Alexander didn't cry.

 

VI. Alexander Hamilton cried when he felt the warmth of Thomas's arms around him, felt his breathing on his neck, heard him sigh softly and sleepily. They had been like that all day; Alex had been sick for two weeks now, and wasn't getting any better. He cried when Thomas turned his head and looked into his eyes. "You're going to be okay, right Alex?" And he shook his head yes, silent tears running down his face that Thomas couldnt see in the darkness. Alexander didnt have the heart to tell him that he got the same illness that killed his mother, that he wasnt going to be okay. He only laid next to Thomas and cried. 

 

\-----------------

 

Thomas Jefferson didnt cry at the funeral. He didn't cry as they were lowering Alexander Hamilton's cold body into the ground. He didn't cry as countless people (Eliza, Angelica, James, Lafayette) came and comforted him, giving him reassuring pats on the back, saying the same words to him that he had said to Alex not too long ago. 

Thomas Jefferson cried once he was dropped off at a house that no longer felt like home. He cried as he poured himself shot after shot of the most expensive and potent liqueur he owned. He cried as he folded himself up on the couch, not able to figure out which way was up. He didn't sleep that night, or for many nights after that. The house was cold and big, too big for just one person. He cried as he thought of Alex and how much he missed him. He drowned himself in alcohol and loneliness.  
Thomas Jefferson cried when he thought about Alexander Hamilton.

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry for this i was a very sad person yesterday and i wrote this whole thing between 4:30am- now (12:40pm) so its not great but regardless i hope you like it


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